When things feel too much
If you're here, things might be really hard right now. You're not in trouble, you're not a burden, and you don't have to get through this on your own.
This page is for anyone who feels overwhelmed sometimes, including if you hurt yourself to cope.
Need someone right now?
If you've hurt yourself badly, taken too many tablets or anything harmful, or you feel you can't keep yourself safe, call 999 or go to A&E now.
Or talk to someone now. All of these are free and you don't have to give your name.
Get through the next few minutes
Strong feelings and urges come in waves. They build up, peak and then ease off, even when it feels like they won't. You don't have to fix everything. You only have to get through this wave.
Breathe with the circle
Breathe in slowly while it grows. Breathe out slowly while it shrinks. Breathing out for longer than you breathe in can help your body slow down.
Focusing on your breathing doesn't suit everyone. If it makes you feel worse, stop and try one of the ideas below instead.
Or try one of these
- Name what's around you. Five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell and one you can taste.
- Plant your feet. Press them into the floor and notice the weight of your body in the chair or on the ground.
- Move somewhere else. Another room, outside, or somewhere with other people around, like a shop or a café.
- Put something on. A playlist, a comfort show, a podcast. Something that fills the quiet.
- Message someone. You don't have to explain. "Can you talk?" is enough. There are more messages you can copy if you're stuck for words.
- Make it harder to reach anything you might hurt yourself with. Put it in another room, or give it to someone you trust for now.
How are you feeling?
Different feelings need different things. Pick the one that's closest, even if it's not quite right.
When you're angry
- Give yourself some space. Go somewhere quieter and wait ten minutes before you reply to anyone.
- Get moving: a fast walk, a run, or dancing around your room.
- Squeeze a stress ball or something squishy, then let your hands go loose.
- Count slowly back from 50, or name every song you can think of by one artist.
- Write down everything you'd like to say. You don't have to send it.
When you're sad
- Let yourself cry if you need to. It's not weak.
- Wrap up in something soft and watch something comforting.
- Open your comfort box.
- Write a kind note to yourself, like you would to a friend who felt this way.
- Message someone and tell them you're having a rough day.
When you're panicky or scared
- Name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear.
- Press your feet into the floor and feel how steady it is.
- Hold something soft, or something with a texture you like.
- Say to yourself: "This feeling is horrible, but it will pass. I've got through it before."
- Go somewhere you feel safe, or close to someone you trust.
When you feel numb or empty
- Move your body: stretch, walk, dance around the room.
- Put on a song that means something to you and really listen to it.
- Smell something you like, such as a candle, hand cream or a favourite hoodie.
- Talk to someone, even about something small. Hearing a voice can help you feel more here.
- Write down how you feel, even if it's just "nothing".
When you feel lonely
- Message or call someone, even if it's been a while.
- Go somewhere with people around, like a library, café or park.
- Text Shout or call Samaritans or Childline. That's exactly what they're there for.
- Look at photos or messages that remind you of people who care about you.
- Make a plan for tomorrow that involves seeing someone.
When everything feels like too much
- Write every worry down. Seeing it on paper can make it feel smaller.
- Pick one tiny thing to do next, like a glass of water or a shower, and do only that.
- Step outside for a few minutes of fresh air.
- Tell someone what's going on, and ask them to help you sort out one thing.
- Remind yourself: you don't have to sort it all out today.
Looking after yourself now
You're not in trouble, and you deserve care like anyone else.
- Call 999 or go to A&E if bleeding won't stop, a wound is deep or gaping, you have a bad burn, or you've taken too many tablets or swallowed anything harmful. Go even if you feel fine, because some harm from tablets doesn't show for hours or days.
- For other injuries, call NHS 111 or see your GP or a pharmacist, so it can heal properly and doesn't get infected.
- When you're ready, tell someone what happened. You don't have to say everything at once. Help with telling someone.
Get ready for next time
Other places that can help
- Calm Harm app
A free app from the charity stem4 that helps you ride out the urge to self-harm, step by step. For ages 13 and over. - Childline: self-harm
Advice, a 1-to-1 counsellor chat and calming games, if you're 18 or under. - Mind: tips for coping with self-harm
Ideas from other young people, and help with getting support. - Papyrus
For under-35s having thoughts of suicide, and anyone worried about a young person.
You've got through every hard day so far. One step at a time is enough.
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Kithstep is not a support or crisis service, and we can't reply to messages quickly. If you need help, please use one of the services on these pages. These pages don't replace advice from a doctor or mental health professional.